Clouds in My Coffee

This mid-life crisis has been hanging over my head for close to ten years  now, easing up one day and rolling in hard the next,  just to remind me that I am not my own.  To remind me that dreams and hopes don't always come true.   The mid-life crisis  reminds me why I like to be alone and don't mind atall being labeled a "recluse".  It also, unhappily,  reminds me that mid-life does happen at 40...who are we kidding?  The "crisis" is another story...it procrastinates...it teases and taunts.  The crisis looms here and there and each time I see it I can't see it.  Like clouds in my coffee, as Carly used to sing, sometimes I can't see through all the confusion of life....and love.

MY mid-life crisis can't be different than yours (and I know we don't like the subject unless the subject is someone else) but it feels like it is.  It feels like I am the only one who can't get the record to stop skipping.  (I know where I've been, I know where I'm going...is this it?)  I want it to be over... and then, again, I don't.  What does it mean when "it" is over?  It means one has comfortably and finally reached old age.  It means you ARE what you say you are (grandma/grandpa, 50!, etc.) and you accept it.  It means we really should start living like today is the day of all days and perhaps our last.  Enjoy, right?  I'm not so sure, but then I'm the one with MDD.

Confusion. That's the name of the game.  Does it mean anything to you?