I have crashed again. Who is surprised? Who thought it would never happen again? Not me. I just find myself surprised at how intense the pain is. I am surprised that I forgot what this feels like. I am surprised that I am surprised! It's like the woman who forgets the pain of childbirth. I was pacing my apartment wondering where the red flag was that I missed. I've prayed. I bathed. I ate. I still "want to jump." It does feel like a never ending test.
Sister, there is comfort. It is SO hard to see right now.. but I've been there. I liken it to drowning. Please take comfort in knowing others have felt it and by the grace of God, we get back. While it is true that sometimes we still get the feeling of "crashing" again, please know that there HE is - waiting to hold us; comfort us; and loves us unconditionally - despite our frequent "crashing".
ReplyDeleteI have found comfort in Psalm 139 - may it comfort you as well... "O Lord, you have searched me and you know me. You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from far away. You search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways........ For it was you who formed my inward parts; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made."
I will pray for you. Your Creator loves you beyond all understanding; beyond your wildest imaginings. YOU are made in HIS image! Be strong my sister. You are being held in the hearts of a loving God and others who literally 'feel your pain'. May God bless you and allow you to feel HIS love and comfort in a special way today.
thank you for your comforting words.
DeleteDM
You're right though. It's surprising when you find yourself forgetting how the pain feels despite having felt so many times over and over again.
ReplyDeletetotally "the woman who goes back to have more than one child" :)
DeleteIt is terrible suffering and God knows it. He is close. Give everything, especially the darkest places, to Jesus through Mary. There is nothing in you that He fears, and nothing that Mary will not willingly carry in her heart. I'm praying for you. God bless you.
ReplyDeletethank you so much for your prayers. i am praying for you and your loved ones. +JMJ+
ReplyDelete